Scared???

Okay, no NOW I am Scared!!!

    I saw my Oncologist this morning for my typical "pre chemo" appointment, at which time I expressed my concern over being so sick all the time!  I told her her that I have been nauseous a LOT more lately and that I rarely have any good days!  I am SO thankful for those I do have and luckily I felt good when I went out to CREATE.   I was pretty sick on my flight home, but it was a short one and I came home and went to bed! In the past few weeks, I've had some more vision changes in my left eye (I saw my eye doc a few weeks ago and my contact RX changed, but I'm still have issues with one eye).   NOTE: I did NOT have this happen when I had my brain tumor and I do NOT have any of the Symptoms I had then! (Thank Goodness) ----------- 

    I told her I was a bit concerned about my upcoming CT scan and she told me, that she thinks it would be wise to add a Brain CT Scan too, and that would be booked with my others on the 16th!! She did tell me to try NOT worry, that based on my "last" blood work, all looked good and that there would typically be some changes that would trigger her to be concerned! She does feel that I may likely have Gastritis due to the meds and that I must try to eat breakfast first from now one and to increase my Prilosec dose.  I've never been good about breakfast..don't care for food in the early AM and by the time I do feel like eating, it's often closer to lunch..but I promised to try harder and she is also have the Nutritionist come up and meet with me at my Chemo appointment tomorrow! I will try, but UGH..putting food in my stomach, in the morning makes me feel yuk...and when I already feed YUK, it's even harder! But, I promise to try harder and take my meds later........ 

    NOW -- (later in the afternoon), I received a phone call from Oncology and they have pushed up ALL the CT Scans for tomorrow, even BEFORE my Chemo.  I now have to been there at 8:15 and typically my Mom drives me, since I need to take Meds to deal with the CT Scans...!  She is not home and is away (BTW she does not know this, so if you do happen to talk to her before me...PLEASE do not share this, for now)....But, they said, just to take my Ativan right before I leave and take the second i have my "drink" in Radiology, which is brutal...tastes absolutely horrible. I then have a new Brain CT Scan and a Lung/Abdomen Scan"...after that I'll to up to the floor and have my Chemo and by the time that's done, the Ativan will be worn off, so I'll be safe to drive home! As I have been finally "confessing" to friends and family...I am MORE worried than ever and PRAY to God that this cancer has not spread into my Stomach or GI area and is the reason, I'm sick all the time! PLEASE if you have a minute, think of me and think GOOD thoughts, for those of you who believe in Prayer (I sure do), I ask for extra prayers.  

    I have already been devastated by this illness and LOVED the three months that I had in Remission....! HOPING these new CT scan come back just a well promising as those did!  Love you and LOVE that you ALL have been such wonderful supporters! No matter what, I'm still going to San Diego for Thanksgiving and would NEVER change that now.  My next chemo is scheduled  for the first week in December and that's how it shall stay!   I'm SCARED...and not afraid to admit it!

   Thanks for listening and thanks for Caring!